The scars we carry

I have often wondered why is it that everytime you trip and skin your knee, the scar remains there for what feels like an eternity. I then came to realize that it is because the scar is meant to serve as an eternal reminder that you must avoid tripping up and skinning your knees. That’s good! But why is it that everytime you have a bad experience in a relationship, then an emotional scar forms? It surely cannot be because unconsciously we want to avoid the emotional pain. This cannot be the real reason why we bring our past relationships into new ones. I refuse! I refuse to believe this because this not only breeds a spirit of judgment and classification, the two most irritating boxes to be put in… Are you black? Do you drink? Do you smoke? Are you a virgin? Are you white? But it also leads to us closing doors on experiences. Nobody wants to be classified in anyway unless it is a classification that implies “privilege” like “white privilege”. However the irony of this is that we are quick to judge others and classifying them: “if they drive a Tesla, then they are probably loaded and environmentally conscience, you should associate with them. If she takes forever to respond to my texts, then she’s probably not interested anymore, that’s what the last one did. If I get a voice mail everytime I call him, he’s probably with his other girlfriend, that’s what the last one did”.We are quick to put people in boxes that we hate to be put in. Every relationship is supposed to unique in its own right and deserves to be judged on its own merits, but for some odd reasons we bring old friends, lovers and husbands into new ones and expect these “new ones” not to end in the same manner the last ones did. I am very aware of the law of averages but I have to agree with Einstein, he defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again with expectation of different results. So essentially we are an insane society that has found normality in bringing old ties into new ones. I am of the view that pain is is pain and is a part of life, I mean all is fair is love and war right? Rule number one is to always look out for number. However as it was once said, “it takes courage to wear your heart on your sleeve”. We tolerate toxic family relations that we did not choose but are quick to jump ship when coming to relationships we chose wide awake. This is madness! Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should stick in relationships that we feel are bad for us. I am merely advocating for evolution. The present has to be better than the past, new relationships have to be better than old ones. For this to happen, we must constantly work on ourselves… Adapt, improvise and overcome. We must constantly ask ourselves if we are who we want to be associated with, who we want to date, who we want to be friends with and most importantly we must not close doors unnecessarily. Someone once said that the door we use to keep out rejection and heartaches, is the same door that happiness and love must come in. Maybe we should have relationship surveys like those ones they force you to take at the end of every semester at college. We should have our exes to fill out a survey so as to avoid having the same pitfalls in the next relationship. CONSTANT EVOLUTION IS IMPERATIVE!

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