I have been wrestling with my emotions and racking my brain trying to find the right words to use. It has been a month since I lost my brother and that whole ordeal seems to have siphoned my writing abilities. I feel less inspired than before and words seem to come and go without me taking notice. So please bear with me as I try to articulate my thoughts as best as I can.

A lot has happened since my last post, South Africa has went through different levels of lockdown, I lost a brother, George Floyd sparked America and the world into much needed action, and gender based violence (GBV) seems to rearing its ugly head again in South Africa. This is a lot to take in!

Concerning GBV, I wrote a piece about how we humans have a tendency to want to control the things that are out of our control because we cannot come to terms with the truth: we are unable to control ourselves! I have cringed everytime I saw a post of missing person with a depiction of a lady. I cringed because of the fear of how these usually end, with the missing lady being found dead. I feel guilty because in most if not all these cases in South Africa, the perpetrators are men. I feel guilty because there is an underlying feeling that I am responsible somehow. In the small talks I have with the gents, too often domestic violence is thrown around nonchalantly. In my defence I do voice out my stand point:no human being owns another. I am of the belief that if you have to force someone to “see reason”, then you will spend forever trying to control them. A relationship amongst adults should be one of mutual respect guided by communication and comprehension. If there is no common ground with regard to such, then the relationship should not exist in the first place. There are over 7 billion people in the world, why obsess over one soul to a point killing the person?Heartbreak and betrayal are inherent to love. It is almost a case of swallowing the spider to catch the fly.

We have to be careful of the environment we are creating. Are we as men playing gods to women? Already as things are, we have created a distorted view that women should be objectified, and to be fair, women have also played a key role in perpetuating this stigma: scroll through your Instagram and Twitter feed and you will agree with me. The small talks that flow around a gathering of men paint a disturbing picture, one that shows that women must be subservient to men, that women are to be kept on a leash and if they step out of line, a slap or two ought to get them back in line. In as much as I am appalled by these, I also feel like what is happening right now is a direct reflection of the indoctrinations we received. The latter generation tends exaggerates the sins of former. However this is not to say we should put all the blame on our parents. What separates us from animals is our ability to think and change behavior. We must unite against such ignominious behavior. Our governments should introduce harsh punishment for domestic and gender based violence cases to serve as a deterrent. Women who falsely accuse men of such must also suffer the same fate. On an individual level, I think what we can do as men is discourage such talks for manifesting, “let there be no sin be found among us”. For women, talks of driving “your man crazy for no reason” must also be discouraged. I understand the need to spice things up in a relationship, but this is the wrong kind of spice my sisters.

We must also raise our kids in love and teach them to strive for inner control. We must teach them to do better, to not be activists on social media but passive aggressors in their daily life. We must each take care of one another even if it means snitching. GBV must end in our life time.

Long Live Love

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