Lick your wounds

Healing is very important. Have you ever twisted your ankle out of the blue? How long did it take for you to walk properly again? Or did you just soldier on and act like everything is okay? Alright I know you get the point that once you hurt any part of your body, you take extra care not aggravate the pain. You take it as easy as you possibly can. This is important if you are to get back to your best again. That experience of twisting your ankle becomes engraved in your mind. In some sense, it is as if you are taking stock of how the incident happened. You make a mental note of how fast you were walking when you twisted the ankle, what type of shoes you were wearing, the landscape profile you were walking on. All these get logged in your memory in an effort to prevent or rather to correct the mistake that happened. I’ve often wondered how most of us do not take the time to take stock of ourselves after we go through a failed relationship. It is imperative that we look back at what was wrong with the relationship and how we can best prevent the same experiences from happening in future ones again. We need to take time to heal so that when we get into the next relationship, we would have worked on ourselves enough to understand our short comings. We need to recalibrate ourselves, decide what we want and what we don’t want. Decide on how much we are willing tolerate from the next lover/partner. We need to take time to reaffirm ourselves and fall in love with ourselves again. “Love thy neighbor as you love yourself”, the love has to begin with you first before it goes to next person. And you cannot expect the next person to heal your wounds that were created by your past lover/partner, it simply is not fair. Think of it this way, imagine how frustrating it is to clean up someone else’s mess, a mess that you had no hand in making. Love must eminate from within. It is written that “the two shall become one”, not the two halves shall become whole. I am of the belief that one must be complete in oneself, the lover/partner must complement and not complete. I am reminded of the scene in the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise said the iconic line:”you complete me”, to which Renee Zellweger responded:”you had me at hello”. Yes that scene gave me goosebumps but to be honest I think it is complete BS. So be complete in yourself. It is important to take stock of what was lost, what was gained, what needs to be retained, and what needs to be thrown out. It doesn’t make sense to get into a new relationship with baggage from past ones. Imagine you had your favourite meal and immediately after finishing it, you gobbled down another, and another one after that. After finishing that you decided to have a go at another one. At this point you must thinking that eating so much is madness and dangerous to one’s health, but the irony is that most of us treat relationships exactly like that. We hop from one relationship to another without considering the cost of doing so. I believe that each relationship we get involved in, taxes us is some way, and if we keep hopping from one relationship to another long enough without taking time to heal, we end losing ourselves in transition. We loose ourselves and end up looking for who we are in other people, and at that point we might as well consider the war lost. We ought fortify ourselves first before we “move on”. Simply put, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself, love yourself enough before giving yourself off to another person. Live!

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